I wrote stuff?

Hello Internet!

For those of you who do not know me my name is JP (I do this sometimes). I’m like a creepy single version of Chris (better looking though) who I’ve known for 17 years now. Just as loud and obnoxious, and I’m also well versed in the art of making fun.

Chris asked me to watch his dog, and I said only if I can torture the loyal Surviving Myself readers with my nonsense. So while you read this I will be letting Jack eat people food and watch the scary movies Chris and Ari won’t allow.

Ok, we all know the only true way to be saved is through Jesus. The hard part is finding a way to make him a part of our everyday life.

Sike! Aw man you should have seen your face!

[Ahem!]

Oh, right the blog thing.

How bout the time Chris and I made fun of the guy with the orange and yellow sherbet colored over-sized shirt.

Chris: Dude your shirt looks like an old school car wash!

Me: Ahhaha!

Dude: Bro, you don’t know about [some brand nobody knows about].

Me: Nobody knows about that shit!

Dude: This shirt cost $80!

Chris: You paid too much!!!

This went on and on. It was amazing that there was no fight.

Now I wanted tell you some crazy high school stories, but I can’t remember them. All we did was drive around in my 83 Volvo 240, smoke blunts/joints and listen to either Bob Marley, Wu-Tang or Korn. ‘Cause we were way too fucking cool to be pigeon-holed.

Although, there was this awesome time we were cutting class…

We met after 2nd period, snuck out the back by the locker rooms, and didn’t even make it 50 yards before Owen (head security guy) spotted us. We bolted for the street. A mere fence to hop and we were off school soil!

It looked like we were in the clear, but out of nowhere one of Owen’s goons appeared and cut off the route! We were forced to cut through the parking lot. It was looking bad. The lot was huge, they were gaining on us, and more were surely on their way (yes, there were a lot of security guards). We weren’t gonna make it through the lot.

Suddenly a mini-van screeched out of the edge of the lot, and its sliding door flew open.

Cute girl: “Get in!”

It was like the A-Team! We both fucking jumped into the van and it peeled out of the lot. We flipped off the security goons, and high-fived. Triumphant!

Then it was just us, two of the hottest girls in school, and a bag of dirty schwag weed.

Cue porno music.

That’s all from me. Just make sure you reference that I am cooler than Chris in the comment section.

Thanks,
JP

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31 Comments

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31 responses to “I wrote stuff?

  1. I am not 100% convinced Chris is an actual person so I guess this makes you cooler by default, having atoms and all.

  2. your blog post made me hate jesus and orange sherbert….again.

  3. Is “school” code for “high maximum security prison” cause it sort of sounds like it is with the many guards and stuff.

  4. Betcha the A Team smoked blunts and listened to Wu-Tang too.

  5. Fun guest post. Sounds like you and the far-less-cool Chris had some great times in high school.

  6. You’re cooler than chris.

    I’m very impressionable.

  7. Matt

    I think all three of us would be very good friends in real life.

  8. Ok, I’ll play along. You’re cooler than Chris. 😉

  9. PS: I miss blunts. I can basically guarantee I roll the best ones ever.

    EVER. I’d bet money on it.

  10. LOL cue porno music moment INDEED 🙂

  11. The cute girls in your school smoked weed? Why was I stuck with the dirty girls as the only stoners in my school? Was it because we didn’t have security guards?

  12. Is that beer Jack is drinking right now?
    JP is in beeeeeg trouble.
    Or not!

  13. Pam

    Ha! You actually had secrurity guards at your School?! Was it one of those that had metal detectors and fencing all the way around?

    Hmm….sounds fishy.

    You are way cooler then Chris – by at least 100 yards or so.

  14. Isn’t everyone cooler than Chris? Actually, I even think that’s the name of a TV show – which may or may not be still on the air – or at least something relatively close…

  15. When Chris left instructions for the dog and the blog, did he tell you that I get to make out with all the people who guest post here? He didn’t? Well, I do so pucker up, buck-o.

    😉

  16. Makes me feel like I skipped school all wrong.

  17. I think you should post a pic of you guys from high school. 😉

  18. Hey! I thought I was the hottest girl at school!

  19. CapriceClassic

    I would say that you’re cooler than Chris, but I promised to no longer lie to people. It just wouldn’t feel right to go back on my word.

    But I CAN say you’re a close 6th – right after Chris, Ari, Jack, The Singer and Grandpa!

  20. this makes me want to get completely stoned and blog my high school memories too….aaaahhhh…memories.

  21. After you escaped in the van did you go to The Emporium to play pool and get high?

  22. bwp

    That is the most creative insult of all time.

    You are still much cooler than Chris, though.

  23. You ARE cooler than Chris. Though I guess it would depend upon how much time I put you in the fridge for.

  24. yeah yeah i second the posting a high school picture idea

  25. Just Playing Pretend

    I started to get emotional about Jesus and then realized I don’t roll like that.

    Sure, you’re cooler than Chris!

  26. i had a similar van experience when running from the cops in high school after they busted a party. i felt so cool. just like you are cooler than chris.

  27. Now I have a crush on you, JP.

  28. Jess

    its true your way cooler than chris

  29. Where did you and the girls and the mini van go?

  30. hahah. that was awesome. you’re fun. sounds like my high school — only those crazy fat women got to chase us on golf carts.

  31. Either I just saw you on the LIRR coming from Jamaica to Flatbush or you have a twin who travels to Brooklyn on Sunday nights.

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