don’t call it a comeback

I’ve decided to keep Surviving Myself alive. In the time that I was gone from the blogging world, I found that I did miss the writing, so here we are, once again.

I chose to keep the blog going because one day when I was sitting on my stoop, a young man approached me, and stuck out his hand.

“Pleased to meet you,” he began. “My name is Ralphie, and I loved your blog.  If I don’t eat, I don’t care. If I don’t ever know the warm embrace of a woman or a smallish farm animal, I don’t care. But I must tell you: I care if you quit blogging. So please, please keep it going.”

I shook his hand, and replied, “Nice to meet you Ralphie. I’m going to keep blogging because of your kind words. Now get away from me you freak.”

Sadly, I don’t think I’ll ever hear from young Ralphie again. But his message rang clear: The blog must go on. With some minor changes, of course:

  1. I’m going to post whenever I feel like it now. That means I might post five times in one day, or not at all for a few. This also means that I might post at 4:47 AM after drinking too much. I apologize in advance for those posts, which will definitely include numerous swear words and possible some lamenting over my biological father WHO ABANDONED ME. Uh, sorry.  Moving on.
  2. Now that I’m at number two, I’ve realized that there really isn’t a number two. I said pretty much everything I wanted to say in number one. So. Why don’t you ever see thin rhinoceros? They can’t all be fat.

I have to say it feels good to be back. So thanks for all the kind words on my last post, and to the one guy who bribed me with pictures of a seal hitting a guy in the face with his tail: Please send more.

Onward and upward my friends. Well, at least onward.


Filed under Uncategorized

44 responses to “don’t call it a comeback

  1. *crosses “unfollow survivingmyself” off to do list*


    Huzzah! Maybe?

  2. whoa did a kid really approach you and recognize you from the internet? you’re big!


  3. you suck

    I am definitely garbage!

  4. tia

    Yeah baby! That’s what I like to hear. It was my email, right? Not that stupid Ralphie. Don’t lie.

    It was, you’re right.

  5. phew.

    i was just about to blow some puppies away with my 12-gauge if i didn’t get a post from you.

    well, not really, but thanks for coming back.


    I think the puppies are happy too.

  6. Hellz yeah, those is my blargin’ rulez!

    (sorry, I’ve clearly been on the internet too long)

    It’s okay.

  7. I totally forgot to comment on the “goodbye?” post, which makes me an asshole.

    You decided to continue the blog, which makes you not an asshole.

    Welcome back, Mr. Notanasshole. We surely would have missed you around here, had you actually gone anywhere. To show my appreciation for your return, if you get a bee in your bonnet one of these days to drunkenly post at 4 AM- as god as my witness so shall I!(sniffles, wipes tears from face with sleeve) You will never drunk blog alone! (drops to knees, sobbing)


  8. bwp

    This is way better than that one time Jay Z came out of retirement.

    Yeah, Kingdom Come sucked.

  9. I was going to say something really raunchy (read: funny) about Ralphie until I remembered that some things are lost in translation when you type it out instead of actually SAY it.

    Which basically means I decided not to offend you.

    I think this is what we call growing up. Or maturing. Or whatever the fuck kids call it these days.

    I really don’t think you would’ve offended me, it doesn’t happen often.

  10. Wait, dude…we can write about our fathers? Holy shit…who needs therapy!

    For serious though, I am glad you are going to keep it up on your terms. I’d miss ya.


  11. It’s guys like you that give Rhinocerus body image issues. Way to go. Oh, and welcome back.

    Well, maybe they should be such pigs!

  12. Are you sure the plural isn’t rhinoceri?

    Why must you be so intellectual all the time???

  13. high five!

    You too!

  14. lexi_m87

    It was because I threatened to stalk u on twitter right?? Haha I was only kidding I already do that! lol Welcome back!!!!

    It was, I was scared.

  15. Trumpets should, like, totally be sounded or something. Or that annoying Emergency Alert System buzzer thing.

    Either one should work.

  16. Well thank God you’ve seen reason. It’s already hard enough to waste time at work, and if your blog was gone, that’d be one more reason that I’d have to get off my arse and do something. Welcome back and don’t do that again.

    I promise I won’t. Well, at least for a little while.

  17. Just Playing Pretend

    Hallefreakinglujah. And you’re modifcations are legit. Do it your way.

    Like Burger King!

  18. you made the right choice, and you should post whenever and whatever you like. So happy now.:)

    Me too, and thanks.

  19. Yay! I’m glad you decided not to go away. I had just started reading your blog!

    Welcome new reader, may I never offend you.

  20. I have nothing smart to say so I’m going to say is woohoo!!! 🙂

    That sounded good to me.

  21. Ralphie doesn’t exist.

    But I’m glad that you are not going away forever.

    He does to me!

  22. ok son, i’m liking the new style.

    do it when you want to.


  23. drunken bitter posts at 4 AM are the only ones i actually read. otherwise i just click “mark all as read”.

    it’s worked out quite well for me actually.

    That seems like a good policy.

  24. I told justin you were doing this, he said nobody ever really quits like that. So if I had told you that then, I’d say told you so now.

    Really? So then how do bloggers stop? I’m curious, because I thought about what to say.

  25. Could you please define a “smallish farm animal” for me? Like, a tiny cow? What would be smallish in the world of farm animals?

    A duck?

  26. thumbs up. and yeah, posting whenever you want is the way to go. that’s what i do. and not every post has to be prolific. just say what’s on your mind.

    That’s the idea.

  27. YAY you’re back, you’re back!

    *does the happy dance*

    I hope the happy dance is good.

  28. I’m so glad you’re back. I love your blog!!


  29. Matt

    Comeback like Jordan. You know, the first time he came back… not like the last time.

    Right. I need to be Air Jordan, not Floor Jordan.

  30. jay grochalski

    Ralphie just is

    Like Pooh.

  31. Just when you thought you were out, we pulled you back in!


    I’d still like my daily private emails though.

    I love the nudie pictures you send me.

  32. What good is the Internet, if not for rant-based ego-stroking? A whole lotta nothing.

    Welcome back.

  33. This was all just a ploy to see how people really felt about your blog wasn’t it? Next are you going to fake your own death just to see who cries at your funeral?

  34. Yes! Good to hear. I’m looking forward to the 4am posts, myself.

  35. Mamma said knock you out.

    So Crissy gets nudie pics and I don’t? What the hell?

  36. YAY! Thank god- I wasn’t sure If I could get through another work day w/ out you. Thank you my friend. Thank you.

  37. Oh thank goodness!

    I was just about to mortgage my home and bribe you with some dough.

  38. Yayyyyy! This might be the best comeback since MJ. No, not Michael Jordan. I’m talking about MJ on the Duel II … the dude with the curly blonde hair that few people care about. Ya, him.


  39. you attention whore!! LOL glad you re not leaving though…

  40. Red

    Glad to hear you’re hanging around. Thanks for posting 3x on my b-day yesterday. I know you didn’t know it was my birthday, and I didn’t see them until today, but it’s still cool.

  41. je

    I think this might have been a publicity stunt.

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