the process

Whenever a friend finds out I use Twitter, this is basically what happens:

First, they make fun of me. “What the fuck? What are you doing, saying ‘I’m taking a dump’ hahaha!” Then, after a couple weeks go by, they revisit their disdain, and of course make the standard Twitter/Twat joke. To my detriment, I still find these jokes funny.

As time goes by, they start asking about it more and more.  “So, I heard Shaq is on there. And Hammer too.”

Finally, inevitably, they say, “So, I think I’m getting on Twitter. It’s cool.”

At this point I feel like telling them that it’s not really cool, per se, but it is Something. Then I tell them to follow me, and if they ever type “LOL” or anything of that sort, I will not only unfollow them, but I will probably have to punch them in the face.


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32 responses to “the process

  1. I just went through that with my roommate. Then she had to join for work and needed my tweeting expertise. I got her to follow Hammer already so she’s basically all set.

    Done and done.

  2. Just A Girl

    Yep, that’s pretty much what happens to me. And I don’t care how good of a friend you are, if your posts are all “Read a magazine” or “Went to the store” I’m not following you. Because who cares?


  3. I don’t twitter, but I HATE when people type “lol”

    Or follow Ashton Kutcher.

    Yes, fuck Kutcher and his dumbass publicity stunt.

  4. As you know I am all for unfollowing people who annoy me.

    It’s therapeutic.

  5. Isn’t un-following someone the internet equivalent of a punch in the face? So wouldn’t punching them in the face be kind of redundant? Unless you’re pro-violence, then that’s just taking a stand.

    I will punch you in the face right now!

  6. I have a friend who refuses to join Twitter as well. I imagine she’ll cave in a few months so as not to be left behind. Consider yourself an early technology adopter. 🙂

    I give her two months.

  7. Please, bitch. I’ve been on Twitter for THREE YEARS.

    I hate everyone now.

    Not me though.

  8. I think Ashton Kutcher actually thought he’s interesting. Just saying.

    That’s the problem.

  9. Matt

    I follow Diddy… but I’m not convinced it’s really him.

    All he does is say “GET LOCKED IN” all the time. I dont get it.


  10. twitter is ruining the blogs! i feel strongly about this. i mean, this is all you got after a week off??

    well at least WE are trying. i’ve given up on cookieface.

    Uh, did you miss my post yesterday?

  11. I use Twitter but I’m still not quite sure I understand why. I’m pretty sure I do because everyone else does, I’m a follower who doesn’t like to be left behind.

    There is no understanding it, you just do it.

  12. I love Diddy’s all-caps “LOCKED IN!!!” gibberish. I don’t follow any celebs, but if I did, it would be Diddy. And maybe The Mime.


  13. bwp

    Twitter has made me lose interest in celebrities. I follwed MC Hammer because, I mean, COME ON but then his tweets were really boring. So, I unfollowed him. Then I felt superior somehow.

    Basically I am really sad.

    No! You are great!

  14. chris, can you suggest a unknown/not famous twitterer that has really interesting/funny tweets that I can follow?

    thanks in advance.

    oh, btw, whenever i read your tweets (bksurviving), i think of burger king.

    Haha – I know. Someone on there was already surviving myself, so I had to use that. Oh, and check out and

  15. I only joined Twitter to follow you in more places than one. Who doesn’t want to laugh as often as possible?

    Whoa, did I just kiss ass?

    Yes, and I liked it. Power hungry!

  16. longredcape

    That’s what Twitter is to me. “Something.” Everyone acts like it’s this freaking INTERNET PHENOMENON and it is going to cure AIDS or something.

    It’s like texting, only with less regret.

    Which, now that I put it that way, is kinda nice.

    Yes! I mean, people take it too seriously sometimes.

  17. What makes me punch babies is that the same people who make fun of Twitter are doing the “Top 5 Places You Should Be Living” shit on Facebook.


  18. lol

    You’re a dead man.

  19. umm i second the whole following diddy thing. the man is clearly a whack job but i can’t resist reading incessant “LET’S GO!!!!!! WORK HARDER!! STAND UP! BAD BOYYYYYYY!!” shit. it’s priceless.

    plus his hideous black and white senior pic is glorious.

  20. you hate “LOL”?

    I’m not sure I can ever speak to you again.

  21. Pants

    Definitely punch-worthy.

  22. you are exactly right.

    three of my best friends joined twitter last week, of course after mocking me for months.

  23. I make the effort to sign up and follow you, but only if you tweeted pictures of you punching the “lol” people in the face. (Can you tweet pictures?)

  24. People laugh at me all the time and ask my why I use it.

    I haven’t come up with a good excuse yet.

  25. Who doesn’t love to tweet through the Miss USA pageant? By the way, I blame you entirely for the fact that I watched even ten minutes of that. If I weren’t following you on Twitter that never would have happened.

    So I might have to punch you in the face. Fair?

  26. The only reason I joined Twitter is so I can follow you and BWP. It’s your fault I’m so lame you know.

  27. Just Playing Pretend

    I still mock. One day I’ll wisen up and joing. I know this and yet I mock.

  28. Thanks for notifying me of “the process.” I’m currently on step 1 with my friends constantly asking why I’m on there. Should I just tell them I’m following you & the questions will stop?

  29. I’m on twitter, but I don’t really use it right. (As if there’s a WRONG way to use it). I’m embarrased by my twitter account so I don’t use it really on my phone b/c I don’t want people to ask me what I’m doing. It’s a problem really. I should just embrace my internet geekiness. I really should.

  30. I’m sick of people asking if Twitter is just so you can post about what you’re having for lunch. And yes, I do also still giggle when someone says “twat.”

  31. And have you?

    Punched anyone in the face, I mean?

  32. Kez

    I can’t admit to most people in my real life that I have twitter.
    I try to avoid that very process…

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