men, men, men!

Tomorrow night, before the blogger meet-up and the fight, a few of my Man Friends and I are going to pregame at my apartment before we go to the bar.

Yes, that is something alcoholics do.

Because this is an event of epic proportions, I have titled the gathering Man Fest ’09. I realize that, sadly, there are a few of you out there who don’t know anything about Man Fests, so I have posted some FAQ’s below for not only your enjoyment, but your education.

1) Why is it called Man Fest?

It’s called Man Fest because there will be an apartment full of Men and one male dog doing Man Things like drinking so much that they almost die and seeing who can punch the apartment ceiling.

2) When was the first Man Fest?

The first Man Fest was a long, long time ago, when dinosaurs roamed the Earth. One day, ChokChok wandered into Moot’s cave by accident, and because Moot was having a good time punching the wall, ChokChok decided to stay and punch the wall as well. Shortly after this, Ung heard all the punching and laughing, so he decided to come into Moot’s cave and hang out too. All three men punched the wall, then punched each other, and laughed and had a Generally Fun Time. That was the first Man Fest.

3) Can I come to Man Fest?

Are you now, or are you in the early stages of becoming, a Man? Then yes. Otherwise, no. It’s for your own good.

4) What does one wear to a Man Fest?

Casual attire is encouraged. Also, anything flammable is always a hit.

5) Has anyone famous ever attended a Man Fest?

Yes. In 1992, fresh off of the classic film White Men Can’t Jump, Wesley Snipes attended Man Fest ’92 in Los Lunas, New Mexico. A funny story from that event was that even though it was held at night, Snipes wore his sunglasses the entire time and insisted that everyone in attendance high-five him after every joke he made. It was obviously one of the best Man Fests ever.

I hope this list helps you with getting a better understanding of what I am going to be undertaking tomorrow night. If you’re a Man and in the city, please come.

Oh, and sorry ladies, no pictures will be taken.


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36 responses to “men, men, men!

  1. You can always tell when a man-fest has happened because all of your friend’s Facebooks and Twitters talk about hangovers or inside jokes – but there is no picture evidence anywhere. I’d rather have my picture taken while robbing a bank than at a man fest.

    Damn right dude.

  2. I thought this post was going to be about Two and a Half Men.

    Then you must also think I suck.

  3. Why does the phrase “Man Friends” sound so much like you’re trying not to say “Men who I met in public restrooms a la all those politicians who have been shunned for soliciting gay sex in public restrooms”?

    Maybe you know someone who has done that?

  4. Just A Girl

    Does it count if the (biological) man I went out with on Wednesday asked me more than once if I was *sure* I’m not a guy? Actually, I get that a lot. “Hey, wait, you like beer, playing video games, and watching sports? And you hate shopping? Wait, did you just *chest bump* someone? You have a penis, I know it.”

    So while sometimes I wish I was girlier, I still think that should get me admission to man fests. I will punch whatever I need to punch. :/

    Sorry, men only. You would be mentally scared if you witnessed the awesomeness that will happen.

  5. I’m glad I have a vagina.

    Vaginas are pretty cool.

  6. CapriceClassic

    Wesley Snipes in shades at night? It’s a wonder anyone saw him at all. He must have been smiling the whole time.

    Hahaha – awesome.

  7. I bet you guys secretly go off and get manis and pedis. That’s why you don’t take pictures, so there would be no proof!

    No, but we do braid each others hair.

  8. I want to be a fly on the wall at this sausage party.

    Oh the tales you could tell!

  9. Teresa

    Women have events similar to this. We just call them baby showers or Tupperware Parties. That way men don’t even ask to attend.

    The men appreciate that.

  10. I am imagining loin cloths.

    For sure.

  11. idontliketoread

    We already determined that I can punch your celling at the last man fest. This time we will jump out the window, and see who can break the least amount of bones. and yelling.

    Yes, but can you retain your title?

  12. idontliketoread

    and we will have a spelling bee.

    Good luck.

  13. eleise007

    More FAQ…

    Little Known Fact:
    Guys’ night out needn’t exclude all women, just wives and girlfriends.

    Guys’ night out = Bunch of guys getting together to:
    A) Get drunk
    B) Get stoned
    C) Watch sports, fights, or porn
    D) All of the above

    Very true.

  14. Kyle

    I go to Man Fests almost strictly for the high-fives.

    And punching!

  15. You should bring man fest to Portland. I never have anyone to go to strip clubs with.

    My friend JP would love you, he’s my circle of friends Strip Club Friend.

  16. Matt


    I will be at man fest ’10.


    Looking forward to it.

  17. Um, Man Fest sounds like a room full of men teabagging each other.

    You wish!

  18. Daisee579

    I was thinking the EXACT same thing Kelly!!!

    You wish too! Wow, I’m a smart guy.

  19. bwp

    This sounds like my kind of party. Too bad I have this ole vagina.

    Will there be manly chest pounding and beer can crushing? I feel like there should be.

    Yes, of course. Crushing the cans with just our Thoughts Of Awesomeness!

  20. Women are better off just not knowing what happens at Man Fests. They THINK they want to know, or that they’re “totally just one of the guys and would fit right in,” but we know the truth.

    Besides, all that long hair is a fire hazard, with the combusting farts and all.

    Yes, it can get ugly.

  21. Stephanique1

    It sounds kinda bromantic to me…

    It’s warming your heart, isn’t it?

  22. I prefer to call events like this “Sausagefest” or “Sword Fight.”

    No sword fighting, but yes, plenty of sausage.

  23. Damn it! I truly wish I could be there. Do a shot for all the homies who can’t make it. Word.

    I will do 15.

  24. So this is like a massive bro-date, huh? I think since the ladies can’t attend, you are required to take pictures. We won’t judge you…honest.

    Sorry, it will be too amazing for the public eye.

  25. The only better than a good Man Fest. Mancation.


  26. Ben

    I’m not sure anyone would WANT to see photos of the things that happen at a man party.

    Unless it was a niche variety of man-party but those are inappropriate.

    Plus, I bet I could get good money for the niche ones.

  27. saratogajean

    A mancation sounds like a delicious meat pie.

    Bring it on!

    You can’t handle it!

  28. I’ve never in all of my life wanted to be a man…until now.

    I know, it’s pretty cool.

  29. In regards to your “Man Fest”, I think the correct term for that is “sausage fest” but that might be a Cali thing…

  30. Girls aren’t allowed to Manfest? Bah. See if I invite you to my next tupperware party.

  31. Now, is the aid of furniture allowed in the ceiling punch, or is that cheating? I figure it’s cheating, but then I’ve also got mad ups, especially when drunk.

  32. Man fest, that’s even better than girls night out.

    Depends on the hotness of the men of course.

  33. I am dreaming of practicing UFC moves. Please tell me I am right that this is a portion of ManFest.

  34. The fact that no pictures are gonna be taken just proves how much trouble you’re going to get yourselves into lol

  35. Kate

    I would like further explanation of what the “Strip Club Friend” is.

  36. Ohhh, to be a fly on the wall at manfest.

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