sic ’em

There’s been a lot of rumors flying around today about Apple possibly purchasing Twitter, and as you can plainly see by my elaborate web site here, I am a Technology Expert, so I feel compelled to comment on it.

My thoughts can be summed up thusly (sorry, Techie Speak!): Let’s hope so.

Twitter could be a lot better if, I don’t know, someone fucking smart was behind it. It just seems like it’s always messing up and it’s now obvious that the dudes who invented it have no clue how to operate it. The biggest proof of this is the fact that they’re sitting on millions of wasted ad sales, because they can’t figure out how to make it profitable.

The guys who invented Twitter are like your childhood friends who would suggest playing hide-n-seek, then promptly stand behind a stop sign when it was their turn to hide. They’re great at starting something up, but the follow through leaves you disappointed and confused.

Go ahead and sick ol’ Jobs (sick or not, he’s still powerful enough to make anything lame cool just be adjusting his crotch) on Twitter, Apple. It’s long overdue.


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19 responses to “sic ’em

  1. Apple take over Twitter? YES PLEASE! At least they’ll get those damn bugs fixed in it and we won’t have to see that stupid whale anymore.

    Yes, exactly.

  2. great analogy!

    apple should TOTALLY do it!

    and apple is sexy.


    Yes, it will be cool all the sudden instead of dorky.

  3. if i start seeing banner ads on the bottom of my twitter page i will shit a brick.

    It’s going to happen.

  4. Better do it fast because Jobs isn’t long for this world.

    I may miss the fail whale. It is my most constant companion.

    He is a nice whale, isn’t he?

  5. I’m all for Apple buying Twitter and whatnot, but aside from the technical stuff, what else could be done to improve it?

    Also, you know they’d stuff tons of ads up our tweeting asses.

    I don’t mind ads, they’re everywhere and we all make it through the day somehow.

  6. If this happens, instead of fail whale, will we get the Microsoft logo?

    Hahaha! Awesome!

  7. Bad news for Deutlich – there are going to be ads soon.

    But ads are a good thing – because ads make things free and give funds to work it.

    So in a choice between ads and no Twitter – I choose ads.

    That and I work in advertising and like being employed.


  8. Allthewine

    I’m not paying for anything.

    You won’t have to.

  9. Until Apple can fix my phone so I can turn it sideways to text and send pictures via text, I’d rather them not focus on anything else.

    Maybe it’s just me, though.

    Hmm. I might be with you on that.

  10. bwp

    I would like Apple to purchase my life.

  11. I approve of anything that’ll keep the damn fail whale away. I hate that bastard.

  12. a lot of rumors surrounding apple flying around today. there was also a rumor that they may buy EA sport this morning. but i totally agree with you that the founders don’t have a good handle on twitter right now.

  13. I 100% agree! The Twitter founders were great at starting it up. It’s a fantastic platform – they just need to know what to do next. Apple will not only do that, they’ll make it look SO MUCH COOLER in the process.

  14. I’m totally open for Twitter to be purchased as long as it can keep it’s look but be more efficient. Fail whale be gone!!!

  15. I’m usually not open to Apple taking things over, but for this? I’m all for it! Hopefully twitter won’t have any more downtime.

  16. They rejected google right? I wonder what twitter people will say about this.

  17. tennyson ee hemingway

    Sounds like a good way to make a mint. Think of a half-arsed idea, get it up an running and have Apple buy it. Presto! Instant billionaire. Now, where are those plans for my time machine?

  18. Matt

    Maybe Jobs can think of a way for me to erase my drunk tweets from everyones memory?

  19. kylestackblog

    I think the excuse is that the Twitter Dudes are not worried about making money. Haaaaaa!

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