Tag Archives: a painting of me would be worth millions

uncle leroy

I wonder if whoever painted this meant it as an insult? I can’t see it any other way. This was probably what happened:

Uncle Leroy: “Hey there Curtis, why don’t you paint a picture of me? You’re always up in your bedroom painting, but I never see anything good. Now I’m not trying to be mean, just statin’ the facts. Go on and paint a little pic of your uncle Leroy, that’ll be something you can be proud of.”

Curtis: [Under his breath] “Oh sure, I’ll paint a picture of you, I’ll paint a picture of you burning in hell!

Uncle Leroy: “What? What’d you say?”

Curtis: “I said ‘Sure I’ll paint a picture of you.'”

Uncle Leroy: “Oh, right. Well, get on with it then!”

[A week passes. Uncle Leroy is, unfortunately, visiting Curtis once again. He is seated on the couch and listening to ZZ Top on the stereo, when Curtis enters the room, painting in hand.]

Curtis: [Holding the painting up for Leroy to see] “Well, what do you think?”

Uncle Leroy: “Uh, well, I mean, usually I wear a belt with jeans.”

Curtis: “Well, usually I want you to die in a car accident, but we can’t have everything we want, now can we? What do you think of the arm?”

Uncle Leroy: [Smiles] “Perfect. My right arm has always been huge, because of the muscles and all that.”

Curtis: “That’s what I thought you’d say.”


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thirty is the new thirty

Somehow, early this past November, I turned 30 years old.

I know! To some of you, this is a shock. You’ve seen the picture on the “yes, me” page and you’re thinking, “How??? How is this possible?? Your silky smooth skin! Your long, flowing locks! I am a fool!”

But fret not, my boyish good looks have deceived many people.  You were not the first, and sadly, you will not be the last.

For some reason, people think that turning 30 means that it is time to Mature and Stop Being Irresponsible, but I have made a decision that this will not be the case with me.

No, I’ve decided that I will wait until my forties to become an Adult, therefore I am now staring right into the face of ten more years of acting exactly like I do now.

Yes, that’s right – I am granting myself another ten years of yelling at people that I’ve just met about trivial things and all the other behaviors that make up The Adventure Of Knowing Chris.

I figure, why stop quoting Seinfeld at every possible chance now that I’m 30?  I’d be robbing everyone I know of something that brings pure joy to their lives (no one has ever actually said this to me, but I can tell, I’m a Joy Bringer).

And when that day comes that I finally turn 40, look out!

You want to see Responsibility?  You want to see Acting Appropriately?  I am going to be on fire! People will probably start painting pictures of me, because that’s what happens when you’re an Adult.  People paint your picture.

Until then, though, what you see/read now is what you get for the next ten years. So come on over, grab a beer and let’s act stupid, because that’s what being a thirty-something is all about.


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