Tag Archives: alcohol makes me happy and sad

talking points

I’m as hungover as Nick Nolte after a trip to Vegas, so I don’t have much for you today.  But I do have some points of discussion that I think need to be addressed.

First Discussion:

The best ad from the Super Bowl was clearly this Careerbuilder.com spot that pretty much sums up how I feel every day.  Yes, even the koala punching.

Second Discussion:

Michael Phelps was caught smoking some pot, but he is still someone who every American can be proud of.  As you can see from the picture, Phelps is taking a bong hit, which clearly indicates he knows which form of smoking pot is the least harsh.  I don’t know about you, but if my Olympic athletes are going to be smoking, it makes me happy knowing that they have the knowledge not to smoke blunts or something ridiculous – instead sticking to the smooth, bubbly refreshment of a bong.

Nice and smooth - just like his backstroke.

Nice and smooth - just like his backstroke.

Third Discussion:

I’m a Normal Man, so of course I like Michael J. Fox.  But what I don’t like is people saying that Back To The Future is better than Teen WolfBack To The Future is by far the sexy pick, but look closer at Teen Wolf and you’ll see:  Fox is at his best as a teen just trying to fit in who happens to also be a wolf and a pretty decent basketball player.  Plus – Teen Wolf has Styles, arguably the best character ever.

Baller.

Baller.

Fourth Discussion:

The Steelers won their sixth Super Bowl last night,  making them the only NFL team with six and me a very happy man.  Now, does this mean that they are the best team ever in the NFL or – ha!  I’m fucking with you.  There’s no room for discussion here – the Steelers are the best NFL franchise ever.  No discussion necessary.

Better than your team.

Better than your team.

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the incredible shrinking blogger

Well, it’s official. I’m getting dumber.

I’ve thought this for awhile, specifically because I can vividly recall that in the cartoon G.I. Joe, Snake Eyes’ pet wolf was named Timber, yet I can’t seem to do simple division.

But now that there has been a study released stating that drinking shrinks your brain, I have all the proof I need.

With this study out, I now have a solid scientific reason for all the “one card short of a deck” moments of my life that I couldn’t explain before – my brain keeps getting smaller!

Like when I was in high school and I was leaving a court-ordered counseling session for my little weed problem, and I drove over the median in the parking lot on my way out.  The counselor saw.  He just shook his head.

I do believe this also explains why when it came time to pick a college, I chose the one that my best friend was going to and never even visited it.  And even when he told me he changed his mind and was going somewhere else, I still went anyway, figuring it must be a decent enough place.

And maybe this study reveals the real reason I drank so much on my first night at that college that I passed out on the sidewalk in front of my dorm building.

This study definitely explains why I’d rather point out all the boners on statues than appreciate the deeper meaning behind art when I visit museums.

Of course this trend is only going to get worse, because there is no way I’ll ever stop drinking.  It’s just too much fun, and besides, what fun have you ever had when you’re sober?  Maybe you laughed at this post, but I guarantee that if you had just drank a pint of Jack Daniels, you would’ve laughed a lot more.

As the years go by, I suppose this blog will just get worse and worse, until one day when I’m just typing absolute nonsense and your comments go from witty reactions to my writing to carefully posed questions concerning my mental health.

But until then, drink up my friends, you really don’t need all that brain anyway.

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in summary

Man Weekend did not pan out exactly as I thought it would.

I know – you’re shocked.

Instead of roaming the apartment like a wild boar, here’s a small look into what I did do.

  • In an effort to further distance myself from Real People and further entrench myself among Internet People, I signed up for Twitter. I have absolutely no idea how to work it, so anyone that can help, please email me. I do know that I must have more people “following” me than those that I am “following.” This will make me seem more popular. So if you too have Twitter, twat me at bksurviving. I’ve always wanted to type “twat,” and now I have. Twice. I should note that I signed up for Twitter while drinking, which as we all know, usually leads to Making Good Decisions.
  • I went to the Diesel store in Union Square. I did this because 1) I enjoy spending an obscene amount of money on clothes and 2) My favorite pair of jeans is no longer made by Diesel, so I wanted to ask someone there what style it was so I could find them online. The latter involved me having to do a little twirl for a male employee there. He needed to see the back pockets. I wasn’t comfortable with this, but I will do anything to wear Cool Clothes. I also gave him my number. He said he’ll call.
  • I drank a ton last night. Way too much. The drinking started as it usually does – alone, with thoughts of despair. Kidding! I was alone though. Well, Jack was with me, but he wasn’t in the partying mood. I went out, made fun of the typical amount of people and then over-tipped a cabbie on the way home. Of course.

Now, because of My love For Alcohol, my brain is not happy with me.

I don’t think I’m going to make it.

I’m pretty sure I’m going to die.

If anybody wants my Playstation, just let Ari know.

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