Tag Archives: apple controls my life

sic ’em

There’s been a lot of rumors flying around today about Apple possibly purchasing Twitter, and as you can plainly see by my elaborate web site here, I am a Technology Expert, so I feel compelled to comment on it.

My thoughts can be summed up thusly (sorry, Techie Speak!): Let’s hope so.

Twitter could be a lot better if, I don’t know, someone fucking smart was behind it. It just seems like it’s always messing up and it’s now obvious that the dudes who invented it have no clue how to operate it. The biggest proof of this is the fact that they’re sitting on millions of wasted ad sales, because they can’t figure out how to make it profitable.

The guys who invented Twitter are like your childhood friends who would suggest playing hide-n-seek, then promptly stand behind a stop sign when it was their turn to hide. They’re great at starting something up, but the follow through leaves you disappointed and confused.

Go ahead and sick ol’ Jobs (sick or not, he’s still powerful enough to make anything lame cool just be adjusting his crotch) on Twitter, Apple. It’s long overdue.


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nobody gimme no back talk!

I’m one of those annoying people who owns an iPhone, and yes I love it even though it has the worst service ever and sometimes vibrates for no reason at all.

One of the major selling points for the iPhone is the applications that you can download, ranging from To Do lists to games.  Of course I’ve downloaded tons of them, and then promptly never used them again.

This is how Apple gets you.  They make this cool thing, then tell you to buy other cool things to have on your cool thing, with the end result you telling your sad iPhone-less friends “Look how cool this thing is.”  It’s marketing genius really.

The problem with the apps is that they get old quickly though.  I once downloaded a soccer game (for ten fucking dollars) and I thought it was the best game ever.  The graphics were great and it was genuinely entertaining – for about two weeks.

Eventually I came to the realization that the soccer game was taking up precious memory space that I could fill with songs like “The Final Countdown” (arguably the best use of a synthesizer ever) and “Under The Milk Way” (still makes me think of Donnie Darko which still creeps me out), so I deleted it.

That’s the fate most of my apps have met – I love them for a short period of time and then I never use them again or just end up erasing them.

But yesterday another blogger told me through Twitter about an app that I love now that I downloaded it.  An app that will blow your mind – and it’s free.

I’m talking about iPity.

It’s a random Mr. T quote generator, and with the sound on, there’s Mr. T shouting at you: “Got no time for da jibba jabba!” It’s pretty much life-changing.  You can also choose quotes if you want to.  In fact last night I sat on my couch and kept using it whenever Ari would ask me something.  Once she got fed up with me and told me to stop, I used on final “No way fool!”  It was sweet.

If you have an iPhone or iTouch or iButt or whatever, go download iPity, I promise you won’t regret it.

Well, at least for two weeks.


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