Tag Archives: dinosaurs are cool

communication is key

There are a lot of theories as to why the dinosaurs became extinct before I could ride one to work and finally have the rich guys in BMW’s envious of me, but yesterday afternoon while I was talking with another blogger, I had an epiphany about this subject.

Sure there might have been a meteor or whatever, but the real reason dinosaurs went extinct is because the guy dinosaurs kept trying to figure out what the lady dinosaurs were thinking, and eventually their tiny brains exploded.

This is really the best theory out of all of them, because if you ask any man now what women think he will 1) scrunch his face and look Thoughtful then 2) give some sort of vague answer and finally 3) punch himself in the face out of the frustration that comes with knowing that he does not know a damn thing.

And this is a man who is supposed to be evolved!

Imagine how hard this was for the guy dino, with his tiny little brain.

Dude T-Rex: [Notices his woman friend is in a bad mood] “You alright?  You’ve barely touched your caveman stew.  Too much pepper?”

Foxy Stegosaurus: [Looks up from her soup, with eyebrows raised] “Everything is fine.”

Dude T-Rex: “Oh, okay great – man you should have seen the look on Steve’s face when I threw that rock at his tail, he was–”

Foxy Stegosaurus: [Getting up abruptly from the dinner table] “You don’t even know who I am anymore!”

[Dude T-Rex watches Foxy Stegosuarus storms out of the cave, and as he tries to figure out what the hell just happened, his brain explodes and he dies]

This is probably what happened to the guy dinosaurs, and with no guys around to procreate with the ladies, the species eventually died off.

With this knowledge in hand, maybe next time a guy says, “So, what do you want to do tonight?” you women should actually tell us, instead of saying “Oh I don’t know” and then when we suggest something, you say “That’s a dumb idea.”

Either that or we all die.

Think about it.

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i’m an activist

I like to stand up for What I Believe In.

When issues come up – I will fight for What I Think Is Right until there is no fight left. Or maybe until the other person says something like, “Dude this is stupid.” Which means I’m right and I win.

And one of my newest causes is Getting Tyrannosaurus Rex’s The Respect They Deserve.

I am all in on this one.

If you call my phone, my voice mail says, “Hi, you’ve reached Chris. Don’t let anyone fool you – T’Rex’s were by far the best dinosaur ever.” Because I think a 29 year-old talking about T-Rexs on his message is A Good Thing.

The lack of respect all started with Jurassic Park.

Everyone loved that movie and really it was pretty cool because if there was an island where I could go see dinosaurs I think I might just pee my pants from excitement. But not too much because I think they can smell urine and I wouldn’t want them to attack me.

But Jurassic Park, while it did showcase a pretty cool T-Rex, gave the spot light to Velociraptors.

Let me burst everyone’s bubble when it comes to Raptors – okay? They had feathers. Feathers!

You know what a T-Rex says when he sees a dinosaur with feathers? Nothing – because he’s too busy eating it to say something witty.

And you know the ladies loved them some T-Rex. Those big legs weren’t only for running fast – if you know what I mean. I mean they could really get some thrusting power behind them. During sex.

No other dinosaur comes close to being as awesome as a T-Rex.

Okay, Stegosauruses were pretty cool because of that spiked tail, but they still weren’t the T-Rex.

Until the T-Rex gets the respect they deserve, I will not rest.

Well, maybe a little nap here and there, but for the most part I’ll be spreading the word in their defense.

So if you meet me and I start talking about T-Rexs, know that I am just Doing A Good Thing.

And I also may be drunk.

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