Tag Archives: gchat makes me feel lonely

and many more

Yesterday marked the one year anniversary of this blog.

One entire year.

I never thought I’d make it, especially seeing as my last attempt at a blog had about as much success as Jaws 3-D (a shark in 3-D!  That’s just taking it beyond scary!).  But somehow here I am, a year later and one could argue, a year better.  Of course one could argue after a first post like this, there was no where to go but up, but whoever wants to argue that can just go to hell.

Seeing as I have one year under my belt, I thought I’d talk about some things I’ve learned/stuff I hate/crap I’ve noticed about blogging since I first started.  And oh yeah, thanks for reading.  Without you this blog wouldn’t have made it.  Now stop looking at that stain on my pants.  It’s just water, I swear.

  1. Keep your posts short.  I know you can write a 4,356 word post on how your weekend was, but trust me, it wasn’t that great.
  2. Please don’t apologize for not posting.  If you have a life and can’t post, be proud of yourself.  You are better than all of us.
  3. LOL Cats are never funny.  NEVER.
  4. I don’t want to read your “hilarious” g-chat transcript with a friend.  It’s not as funny as you think it is.
  5. When someone posts about being concerned about their mother getting old, it is not okay to tell a “yo momma” joke in the comments.
  6. Yes, even if it’s a good one like “Yo momma’s so old, she’s got a Jesus Starter jacket.”
  7. Yes, really.
  8. Drunk posts are always entertaining, and if possible, post video.
  9. For some reason, people have a hard time detecting sarcasm.  Reply to their comments with even more sarcasm.
  10. Speaking of replying to comments – I always like blogs that do this.  Otherwise I feel like I’m commenting to a brick wall, which is fine when I’m at work, but not when I’m reading blogs.
  11. People don’t click links.  No matter who much you tell them how great and exciting and awesome it is, they just don’t do it.
  12. Neither do I.
  13. No one reads on the weekends.  I learned this the hard way, as several posts on the weekends went unnoticed.  A post about Denver the Last Dinosaur people!  How could you not read that???
  14. People don’t read posts when they get too long.
  15. Like this one.  But if you’re still reading, here’s a secret: I thought The Real World Movie: The Lost Season wasn’t that bad.

72 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

a healthier you

It’s winter again, and with that comes people freaking out over going outside with their hair wet.  Every winter I hear it: “Oh no, my hair’s wet, I’m going to get sick!”

No.

No you’re not.

You get sick from germs, okay.  Germs.  You remember Bald Man sneezing behind you while you were waiting on line to buy that sweater (blue does not look good on you, by the way)?  That’s how you get sick.

You remember Hacking Old Lady in the elevator yesterday, who may or may not have been checking you out which may or may not have turned you on in an “I think I have problems” kind of way?  That’s how you get sick.

It’s not from your hair being wet.

You want to take a shower and step out into the freezing winter day with nothing but your socks on?  Go ahead.  You won’t get sick from it.  You might, depending on how many Fried Foods Tuesdays you’ve enjoyed, scar people who see you for life, but you won’t catch a cold.

If you really don’t want to get sick this year, how about washing your hands once in awhile?  Maybe instead of not washing up after you take a piss because you have to rush back to your work computer to see if anyone wants to gchat with you (they see the green “available” dot and they are not taking the bait dude, let it go) you take a minute and scrub those hands.

It doesn’t matter though. You’re probably reading this and thinking that it makes sense, but you still don’t believe me, and that’s fine.

But just remember, I’m a guy who you’ve never met who also writes a blog, and that makes me an Expert About Everything.

63 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized