Tag Archives: how could my Mom ground me when I was such a talent

a portrait of the artist as a young man

Writing has been a part of me ever since I was about ten years old, and I have a collection of notebooks to prove it.

Of course I didn’t call the notebooks diaries, I called them “Gatekeepers.”  Currently, I have about ten volumes of the Gatekeeper in my apartment, which I’m sure will be sold to the highest bidder when I die and everyone finally understands my genius.

But just so you don’t have to wait until then, I have unearthed three true gems from my childhood for your viewing pleasure.

The following literary masterpieces were written when I was about 14 years old.

Can you feel the despair?

Despite the girl leaving me “etched in stone,” I can’t seem to remember her name now.

And what about this other guy who is short and blue?  Was this girl who caused me so much anguish dating a smurf???  Was I really that much of a loser when I was 14 that a smurf beat me?

Yes, I smoked at 14 – I had to, okay?  I was a poet!

I think the best line of this one is “long lines for the bathroom.”  If having to wait a long time to piss doesn’t make you write dark poems about how your vacation sucks, there’s something wrong with you.

Man, did I capture what it must be like to be a tire or what???

Please, though – I know I insist that you “drop your kid and see to the tire,” but don’t ever do that.  Put the kid in the car seat first.

Those are just a few of the hundreds of poems that one day I’m sure will garner millions of dollars from collectors of my works.

Maybe next time I’ll share the one I wrote about rain and how I didn’t care that it was hitting my face because “all I ever wanted was her.”

But that’s only if you’re lucky.

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