Tag Archives: hypothetical questions call for ridiculous answers

let’s say

Let’s say you’re friends with Ben Affleck.  Not as close as Matt Damon, but close enough that when he decided to marry Jennifer Lopez, you told him that it was probably not a good idea, and he at least gave your concerns some thought.  While at a bar one night that Ben frequents, he tells you that he has to go to the bathroom for “a number two,” and after you tell him to never say that phrase to you again, he exits the table and heads for the toilet.  You relax and begin to watch Fringe on the TV above the bar, not because you think it’ll be entertaining, but because you can’t help but wonder if Joshua Jackson’s career really did peak at Dawson’s Creek like you’ve thought for many years now.  Just as you start to hate yourself for trying to watch the show, there is a loud crash near the front door of the bar, and in walks Mike Myers.  He is obviously drunk, and he stumbles over to you and starts blabbering to you like you’ve known each other for years.  Mike is going on and on about how people “Just don’t know how to rock anymore” and all you can think about is how much you hate this man and everything he’s done aside from Wayne’s World, which was pure genius.  Toward the end of his Rock Speech, Mike mentions out of nowhere that he can’t stand Ben Affleck.  The very same Ben that has been in the bathroom for quite sometime now, which worries you because he’s rich.  Rich people shouldn’t get diarrhea.  You nod and offer a “Oh Ben’s an alright guy” defense to Mike, who kind of brushes it off and then tells you that he likes you, and wants you to come party on his yacht later that night.  He tells you that he throws the best parties on his boat, and he likes you so much that if you come, he’ll cast you opposite him in his next movie, no questions asked, but you have to come right away.  Mike gives you his card and stumbles out of the bar, just as Ben finally emerges from dealing with his famous, yet leaky, butt.

Do you ditch Ben Affleck, a guy who yes, has made some questionable decisions in his life, but is still an alright guy, just to star in a movie with a man when you cannot, for any reason, condone any of his recent works?  Or do you stay with Ben, forever wondering what that glimpse of being a celebrity would have been like?


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