I’m on record as saying that there is something dreadfully wrong with Jennifer Aniston, but recent events have caused some compassion inside of me for this poor woman.
I just read that she called out Angelina Jolie in a Vogue interview, saying “It was really uncool” what Jolie did behind her back with her ex-husband Brad Pitt.
Now, in the real world of you and I, saying something is “really uncool” is about as gangsta as pleated khakis. But in the parallel universe known as Famous People World, those words mean one thing: “You’s a hoe.”
Jennifer Aniston can call me a hoe, she can call Julia Roberts a hoe, she can even call Nancy Reagan a hoe (who hasn’t?), but she sure as hell cannot call Angelina Jolie a hoe.
This is it for her.
I give Aniston three days to live. No way Devil Woman sits back and lets Aniston call her out like this.
Do you hear that? That’s the sound of Jolie doing 567 push ups, cracking her knuckles, then practicing crane kicks on whichever of her brown kids she likes the least.
Aniston can try and take the “uncool” statement back, she can try and say that it really wasn’t nice for Jolie to bang her husband behind her back, which you know, it kind of wasn’t, but it’s all too late.
They are going to rumble and in the end Jolie is going to be the only one standing. It will surely be a sad day for the entertainment industry, but on the positive side, you know what this means, right?
I’m bringing my camera.