I saw Jay-Z and Mary J. Blige last night at the Garden.
To a hip-hop fan like me, this is basically what I imagine heaven is like, only in heaven they wouldn’t charge you eight dollars for a beer. It would be free. And it would be handed to me by Vida Guerra.
I got goose bumps no less than 43 times during the show – and that was before Beyonce came out.
She stormed out onto the stage looking all sassy and danced for a couple minutes, but then walked back off just as quickly.
It was odd, but I think it was enough time for her to see me waving at her.
In fact, I’m pretty sure she winked at me, but I didn’t want to tell Ari because sometimes she can get jealous about how many Famous Women With Large Asses love me.
It’s a sore spot in our relationship.
I try and reason with her, I really do. I tell her, “But Ari, they only want me for my body!”
She doesn’t listen though.
She sees the way Kim looks at me and it drives her crazy.
Somehow, through all the fights and me promising to buy her Expensive Things, we have reached a compromise. She can’t get too mad about these women because I don’t get mad about Ryan Gosling being obsessed with her.
I don’t get upset about Ryan, because look at him.
I could totally kick his ass.