Most people miss things about the past. Some people miss being in high school. Some people miss that one summer at the beach during college.
I miss poster board.
I miss being able to present an entire idea using little more than a glue stick, a pair of scissors, and some random shit cut out of a magazine.
My life would be much easier if I could just use poster board to present my thinking during important events of my life.
Like asking for a raise.
[I walk into the boss’s office, poster board in hand]
Me: Hi, how are you today?
[Boss looks quickly at the poster board, then at me]
Boss: Good, so, it’s been a year already huh? You’ve certainly impressed us with the stories that you’ve been able to get, so we should discuss a salary increase.
[I place the poster board on her desk]
[Boss squirms uncomfortably]
Me: [With confidence] Yes, well I think you can see all my major points are presented here on this poster board.
Boss: [Looking at the magnificent poster board] Um, well, okay. But who is that?
Me: [pointing at the poster board] That? Oh, that’s Brad Pitt. He represents me for this presentation. I tried to pick the man that most resembles myself.
[We both look at the poster board]
Boss: [Uncertainty clouding her voice] I have to tell you, this is quite an odd way to ask for a raise, but it appears that you put a lot of thought into it.
Me: [Smiling] Yes. As you can see, I’ve folded it into three sections. This also allows it to stand up on its own.
Boss: [Noting that it is, indeed, folded into three parts] You’re right, it does just stand there huh?
Me: Yes. And I think the cut-outs of dollar signs really drive home my point.
Boss: [Clearly impressed] You are quite the negotiator Chris! A 50% raise should do it, don’t you think?
Me: Why yes, I think so!
[High fives are exchanged]
[I exit the boss’s office, my old friend poster board in hand, ready for whatever else may lie ahead]