Tag Archives: I really do look like Brad Pitt I swear

glossy side up

Most people miss things about the past.  Some people miss being in high school.  Some people miss that one summer at the beach during college.

I miss poster board.

I miss being able to present an entire idea using little more than a glue stick, a pair of scissors, and some random shit cut out of a magazine.

My life would be much easier if I could just use poster board to present my thinking during important events of my life.

Like asking for a raise.

[I walk into the boss’s office, poster board in hand]

Me: Hi, how are you today?

[Boss looks quickly at the poster board, then at me]

Boss: Good, so, it’s been a year already huh?  You’ve certainly impressed us with the stories that you’ve been able to get, so we should discuss a salary increase.

[I place the poster board on her desk]

[Boss squirms uncomfortably]

Me: [With confidence] Yes, well I think you can see all my major points are presented here on this poster board.

Boss: [Looking at the magnificent poster board] Um, well, okay.  But who is that?

Me: [pointing at the poster board] That?  Oh, that’s Brad Pitt.  He represents me for this presentation.  I tried to pick the man that most resembles myself.

[Silence]

[We both look at the poster board]

Boss: [Uncertainty clouding her voice] I have to tell you, this is quite an odd way to ask for a raise, but it appears that you put a lot of thought into it.

Me: [Smiling] Yes.  As you can see, I’ve folded it into three sections.  This also allows it to stand up on its own.

Boss: [Noting that it is, indeed, folded into three parts] You’re right, it does just stand there huh?

Me:  Yes.  And I think the cut-outs of dollar signs really drive home my point.

Boss: [Clearly impressed] You are quite the negotiator Chris!  A 50% raise should do it, don’t you think?

Me: Why yes, I think so!

[High fives are exchanged]

[I exit the boss’s office, my old friend poster board in hand, ready for whatever else may lie ahead]

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