Tag Archives: if rocking is wrong I don’t wanna be right

before 7:56

On my way to the gym, I’m sitting on the train and listening to some rocking jams when my phone freezes. Of course this is not shocking to me, because although the iPhone makes you 37% cooler than other people, it fucks up all the time.

I decide to just forget it and brave the commute without music.

The snoring coming from the Dog The Bounty Hunter lookalike to my left makes me want to vomit in my mouth, but somehow I don’t.

I get to the gym and realize that I didn’t pack my shorts.  I think for a second about how fun it would be to just work out in my boxer briefs, but then realize that it might be against club policy, so I decide that I’m going to have to buy some new ones at the store.

The store is closed.

I ask one of the personal trainers what time it opens and she tells me seven.

It is 7:10.

I decide to wait around for a couple minutes.

I stand in front of the store looking like some kind of jack ass as people pass by me and wonder if maybe I’m trying to get a peep in the women’s locker room, which is located right next to the store.  I think I even see one of the women mouth “Pervert” as she walks by.  I take it as a compliment.

After standing there for way too long and freaking out some of the women, I decide to leave.  Just as I’m about to walk out with my bag in tow, I see the guy who runs the shop opening it up.

I am excited.  I think that maybe my morning might not be so shitty after all.

The store does not have any shorts my size.  The guy tries to convince me that a extra large would fit me, but I just look at him and say, “I don’t think this is going to work out” and leave.

I walk to work and when I get there, I realize that because my phone won’t work, I can’t access the code to turn off the alarm once I get inside.

I decide to go in anyway because I think I can remember the code.

I get in and the alarm starts blazing.

I can’t remember the code.

I start searching the other desks frantically, hoping that someone has it written down somewhere. Meanwhile the alarm is going off, my phone won’t work and dammit I am not an extra large.

My ears are about to begin bleeding when I plug my phone into the charger to see if that will turn it on.  It works.  I turn off the alarm and sit down at my desk.

Ten minutes go by.

I hear the door to the front of the office open, and in walk two cops.

I tell them that I set the alarm off and they just shake their heads.  They ask me if I have any dead bodies hidden under the desk.

I smile and say, “Not yet.”

They leave and I turn back to my computer.  I try my phone and it does not work.  I tell it that it is going to burn in hell.

It is 7:57.


Filed under Uncategorized

in search of a hero

Where have you gone, old friend?

It’s been years since I’ve seen your face. Did you know that things have changed since you left us? Yes. They have changed for the worse, I’m sad to say.

What happened? You were such a bright, promising young man. You lead the masses with your voice. You taught us that no matter what happens, you must – you must keep on rocking.

Today everything is different. There’s no one to guide our children. If I ever have children, who will my young boy listen to? Hannah Montana? The very thought makes me cringe.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I miss you, and I need you.

The world needs you.

You spoke from your heart. You made others uncomfortable with your unnecessary alcohol consumption. You never cared that you were someones guest and it was seven in the morning – you were drinking – because that’s who you were.

When someone didn’t agree with you, did you back down? No. You’d challenge them publicly to a fight.

Kurt Cobain? He was nothing to you after he spoke ill of you and your friends. Tommy Hilfiger? Well, lets just say that you showed us that you are also capable of great restraint by not completely destroying this man.

This is what the world is missing now.

It is crying out for you. It needs you to teach the youth like you taught me and so many like myself.

Come back to us old friend.

Because a world without Axl, is not a world I would like to know.



Filed under Uncategorized