A couple of months ago, Ari and I, being the proud parents that we are, submitted a picture of our dog Jack for a calendar of local dogs.
Of course Jack was selected because he’s fucking cute and if you don’t know him, you wouldn’t realize that he’s completely insane. We were very excited about him getting picked, until we saw the picture.
Here is the month, which is dominated by a huge picture of some idiot named Otis, while Jack’s picture is tiny in comparison.
First of all, Jack is not Otis’ friend. I’m sure Otis wishes he was Jack’s friend, but Jack is very popular among the dogs of Clinton Hill, Brooklyn who don’t mind being humped. He must be selective.
And seriously, how is Jack’s picture not the center piece here?
Right? Much better than Otis’ picture.
So Ari and I were all “What the hell?” and “Guess we’re gonna have to cut some bitches” about the situation. Then as we scanned through the calender we noticed something: the dogs that were featured with big photos belonged to a neighborhood dog association!
Talk about dirty politics.
Since Jack isn’t a member, he got shunned! Is this not America??? Do we not have equal opportunity for all dogs???
Sure Jack has lunged at more little kids than Micheal Jackson at a playground, but does he not deserve his chance in the spotlight like the rest of these Elitist Pups?
Well Ari, Jack and I have decided we won’t stand for this injustice. I know right now you’re saying, “Uh dude, I’m not buying it, mainly because it’s March and you’re just now bitching about this. Honestly, it sounds like you’ve been drinking.” And maybe you’d be right – but that doesn’t change the fact that we are going to stand up for what we perceive as a wrong!
Right after I finish this beer.