Tag Archives: ninjas are probably shy in real life

two questions for you because your sister drinks too much

There’s been a lot in the news about pirates lately, with the ship that was just hijacked along with several others before it. This raised awareness has brought two questions to my mind:

  1. The crew that was just hijacked has regained control of the ship from the pirates, but (as of right now) they somehow forgot to rescue their captain.  The captain is the best crew member on the ship! How do you not rescue your captain??? When constructing the plan, the first thing they should have done was figure out how to rescue their captain.  It just doesn’t make any sense. They took back the ship, but neglected to rescue the best guy there.  That’s like going to pick up women at a bar, but leaving your best looking friend at home. Without him around to guide you in the right direction, no matter what you think will happen, you’re not going to accomplish your goal.
  2. The more and more I hear about pirates, the more and more I think about this Important Question: Who would win in a fight – a pirate or a ninja?  To me, this is a more difficult question than how to solve the economy (hey Obama – there’s a reason the number one question asked during the web conference was if you were going to legalize pot – because it would work dumbass). The pirate, because he is so reckless by nature, would take chances that the ninja would not expect, thus giving him an upper-hand. The ninja, on the other hand, is the very opposite of the pirate: precise, patient, detail-oriented and stealth-like. The ninja’s patience, I believe, is the key to the battle.  While the pirate grows increasingly annoyed (and thus increasingly drunk) waiting for the battle to begin, the ninja bides his time devising the best way to attack the pirate. Then, when the pirate is in his most Keith Richards-like state, the ninja strikes. The battle would be epic, but in the end, my pick is the ninja.

Now that I’ve given you Two Very Important Things To Think About for the rest of the day, I have to tell you that I won’t be around tomorrow. Apparently Jesus loves me and he made tomorrow Good Friday in my honor, therefore I have the day off.  I will see you on Monday people.  Actually, I won’t see you.  Unless you’re that person who keeps digging through my trash.  If that’s the case, please take my old boxer briefs off of your head. It’s weird.

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