Tag Archives: pop culture stuff

this is the best news since your friend told you he thought no one would notice your left eye is bigger than your right

Tonight is the Oscars, so I’m going to be live-tweeting it (until I get bored at least), and I’m hoping all you other Twitter people will be too.  Just tune your TV to the right channel at 8 PM (though I’ll probably start with a little red carpet stuff before), drink a ton and let the fun begin.  Okay, you don’t have to drink as much wine as I will, but I promise Mickey Rourke would want you to.

I’ll see you or tweet you or whatever tonight.

I hate saying “tweet.”

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homicide

This morning on the way to the gym, I got a text from a friend that informed me that Eddie Murphy had signed on to star in the next Batman movie as the Joker.

Naturally, this threw my world into complete chaos.

Throughout my workout, all I could think about was how Murphy was going to ruin everything and how I’m not racist dammit but how the hell can the Joker go from being a white dude to a black dude and that make any sense at all???

As I finished pumping iron (which is a technical term for lifting weights) I came to the only possible conclusion that I could come to – I had to kill Eddie Murphy.

The plan I came up with went like this: Show up at his house – which is easy because he lives in Jersey – ring the doorbell, and when he answered yell, “Dude Beverly Hills Cop was awesome but you can’t do this to my Batman!” Then stab him with my pen.  Which I’ll use because, well, I don’t own a knife.  Also knives can be scary.

I had the plan all ready to go when I arrived at the office.

There I saw my friend who had informed of this travesty to begin with, so of course I started ranting and raving (and maybe waving my arms around like a mad man) about how I thought Murphy playing the Joker was basically the Worst Thing Ever.

At that moment he looked at me and said, “Oh, no wait.  He’s playing the Riddler. I must have sent it wrong in the text.”

I was relived, and I’m sure Eddie is glad too, even though he had no idea he was about to die by Bic to the head.

But then I remembered that Shia Labeouf is reportedly going to play Robin, and Robin is just the stupidest character ever, so now I have to kill him instead.

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the past and present

I’m a big pop culture fan even though it’s taken me awhile to realize that.  I think it has something to do with Teenage Chris thinking all things popular were stupid, which incidentally might have been the reason I had trouble getting laid.

In fact, if I could write a note to Teenage Chris now, I’d probably say something like “Dear Dumbass, knowing things about celebrities is infinitely more attractive to girls than angry poems and the fact that you think Jim Morrison was a genius.”

But Teenage Chris wouldn’t listen because in high school, actors were the losers. Actors were the dorks who didn’t smoke cigarettes and didn’t want to get drunk, listen to Wu-Tang and try desperately to get into some hot brunette’s pants.

And I think that is why it took me so long to embrace my love of all things “pop.”  If actors were such losers when I was young – why am I supposed to think they’re so cool now?

Obviously, pop culture extends far beyond actors and actresses, but this has always been the part that makes me resistant to embracing the entire scene.

Take George Clooney.

Clooney is the essence of cool, barely beating out Brad Pitt (though I have been one to vehemently argue that Pitt would actually be cooler if Angelina Jolie hadn’t eaten his soul).

I would love to be Clooney.  It’s the old cliche – women love him and men want to be him.

But in high school, Clooney was no doubt a huge loser.  He went to an extremely prissy school in the United Kingdom where he fell in love with acting, then moved back to Kentucky, where he went to high school.

I don’t know about you, but any kid who went to school in Europe and came back wanting to star in hopelessly terrible plays was considered a dork at my school.

I guarantee you Clooney was getting beat up daily and probably had more wedgies than he would care to admit.

But now, suddenly, he is cool.

I suppose the fact that earning an extraordinary amount of money and sleeping with beautiful women is the reason that he is perceived as cool, but it still bothers me.

So much so that maybe I’d even add, “P.S. – Go beat up that whiny actor kid in seventh period” to that note to Teenage Chris.

At least then I’d feel a little better about things.

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