In the spirit of Learning Something New every 15 years or so, I’m now learning how to box.
Every day at the gym, I run, I lift and then I box. Not with other people – I’m not some kind of idiot. I just hit the bag.
It is a lot of fun and a great workout and blah, blah, blah.
I could go on and on about how it improves your coordination, endurance and strength, but let’s be honest – I’m in it for the nickname.
Everyone knows the best part about boxing is the handle you get when you start learning the sport. Granted, I’m not actually fighting anyone other than a large, heavy, leather-bound bag, so I don’t really need a nickname, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want one.
I just want something to recite in my head as I hit that bag: “Chris The ________ My Last Name!” (I’m not giving you my last name because then I know you’ll stalk me and probably ask for my autograph on your forehead and then we’ll get drinks and I’ll make you pay after you tell me you stole a pair of my boxer briefs.)
I don’t want it to be something too cheesy either, so I’m immediately crossing out The Destroyer, Hits You Hard and Iron Fists.
Yes, those were some I thought of this morning, and no, I am not more creative than that.
I also want it to be something that really strikes fear into that bag, because trust me, even though it’s an inanimate object, it’s heavy and it wears you out. Kind of like trying to figure out Memento.
Of course I have to rule out anything to do with blogging, because I just don’t think “The Meme Poster” or “Obsessive Stats Checker” really have the effect I’m looking for.
I’ve thought of several more since I started writing this, and I have one now that I think I like.
You love it don’t you???
Think about it – it works on so many levels. First, I’m a vegetarian, so there’s irony or something literary at work there and second (and the best reason) I deliver Grade A punches sucka!
Man, I am a genius or at the very least someone with too much time on his hands.
Okay, probably the latter, but really, could you do any better?
I can’t wait until tomorrow so I can tell the bag about my new nickname. I will probably not tell the people training me, though. I don’t want to make them jealous or anything.