This morning I was standing behind a middle-aged dude (hold on – am I middle-aged? When does that start? 45 right?) waiting for the train and I noticed that he was wearing a backpack.
It was a Jansport, so of course I admired him for doing his Backpack Research because those things last forever. In fact, I’m pretty sure I have a Jansport under my bed that was passed down from a caveman who needed it to carry some cool rocks he found.
While studying him I was slightly disappointed that he didn’t opt for the One Strap/Cool Kids Who Got Laid Look but instead had both straps over his shoulders.
And that’s okay, I mean, maybe he doesn’t like being Cool. It’s certainly not for everyone.
The more I thought about this man and his Jansport though, the more I wanted something to spice it up. I wanted it to be like in high school, when you could find out everything you wanted to know about a person by what patches and writing they had on their backpack.
Wouldn’t it be great if they made Adult Patches so we could put them on our bags and luggage? If you said no, fine, please go back to reading Glamour and how to send the perfect romantic text message (Don’t you click that link! Don’t you do it!), but if not, then here are some suggestions for patches:
“I’ve Got Three Kids And They All Disappoint Me”
“Me + Beer = Lonely”
“I ❤ Wearing Age Inappropriate Clothing”
“Still Can’t Add Without Using My fingers”
“I Make More Money Than You”
“I Regret Everything I’ve Done Since College”
“Me + Debt 4Eva”
I really think this is a good idea. The patches could add some flavor to our bland adult lives, and in the process let everyone know a little bit about us.
Oh, but just a suggestion, if you happen to come across a guy sporting this one:
“I Wear Diapers”
Don’t stand to close.