I’ve discovered something about myself that I feel compelled to share with you – I am an expert Uno player.
The best? Perhaps. Better than you? I would bet my first born on it.
It’s uncanny, really. It’s like I have this sense that tells me when and how to play the perfect card, leaving my opponents shocked and awed in my wake.
I’m even better at Uno than I am at the times tables, which is
See? I’m so good at times tables that I knew you were thinking, “Well if you’re so good, what’s eight times eight?” But I’m even better at Uno.
I know you’re stunned. I know you’re wondering how on Earth I could have a blog and be good at Uno, but it’s true.
From now on, I’m going to have to issue a warning to all who play me, because the swiftness and ruthlessness with which I play can crush even the most skilled player.
You’ll be sitting there, admiring the blue cards being laid down, then bam! Next thing you know I’m dropping a Wild Draw Four on your ass, changing the cards to green and asking if you want a box of tissues to wipe the tears that I know are on their way.
It’s that brutal.
And trust me, I’ve been skipped and I’ve seen reverses that would make Robocop frown. But I remain unfazed through it all.
My eyes will pierce you with their calm during the storm, just waiting for the inevitable: Me yelling “Uno bitches!” and someone after the game saying that they “Can’t stand playing games with Chris. What the fuck is wrong with him?”
But this is the life I lead. I did not choose to be skilled at this game, Uno chose me.
Come and challenge me if you feel you have the skills, but I must warn you, it will not end well for you. I am the best Uno player that