Just a couple days ago, a street near my apartment that has been under construction for three years was paved, therefore ending the extensive project once and for all.
I was shocked that it was finally completed, because construction workers have the ultimate job when it comes to procrastination.
I mean, the men who worked on that street were given three years to complete it.
Meanwhile I’m expected to learn that four shots of Petron will make me yell Mean Things at people in the short amount of time I’m at a bar.
I wonder what life would be like if everyone had the same kind of timeline to complete tasks that construction workers do. Just think about the ways it would make life easier.
When a baby can’t talk – no worries – he has until turns seven to start annoying his parents!
When there’s a kid who’s awesome at dodge ball but can’t seem to figure out his multiplication tables, don’t even think about it. If he learns them by the time he’s 44, he’ll be fine.
When a boss calls an employee into his office and asks him to order new hole punchers – no problem there. The employee gets three months to get those bad boys poking holes in documents that no one actually reads.
When a guy is about to make Sexy Time with a woman and can’t get her her bra off without angrily cursing the heavens because who the hell makes those things so difficult in the first place – he’ll be fine. He has until the third year they’re dating to get it right.
Every single thing you can imagine could take infinitely longer than usual to complete if you ran on Construction Worker Time.
Of course this also means that we would be a nation comprised entirely of people who are just learning that pooping in their pants is not good at the ripe age of 27, but I guess things could be worse.