Over the last few days I’ve been downloading Nirvana songs that I used to have years and years ago when this blog was just a glimmer in my eye.
That band will always hold a special place in my heart, because when Nevermind hit, it was like a perfect storm. You know, the kind without George Clooney as a grizzled old fisherman trying to prove a point (with disastrous results!).
Here I was, a 12-year-old kid just trying to fit in and desperately hoping for facial hair to sprout, and along comes a band that doesn’t give a fuck about anything, and in fact, hates everything that most people give a fuck about.
It was love at first listen.
When my friend showed me his tape of Nevermind, we sat down at his desk, popped it in his yellow (yellow!!!) Sony Walkman and that was it – I was a fan. And lucky for me, I met all the requirements for being a Nirvana fan.
Poor Enough That You Already Wear Gross Flannel Shirts? Check.
Angry About Things? Check.
Enjoy Being Dirty? Check.
Within days of first hearing their music, I had used whatever money I could steal from my Mom’s purse (don’t judge me!) to purchase Nevermind and Bleach on tape and I listened to them until I knew every word of every song. I would sit for hours in my room, listen to the tapes, write angst filled poems about how chores were oppressive and love every minute of it.
Sadly, by the time In Utero rolled around, Nirvana had become so popular that of course I had to tell everyone I didn’t like them anymore. I even told this lie to my best friend who was, and probably still is, the biggest Nirvana fan ever. It was something I felt I had to do, along with smoke excessive amounts of pot all day every day. What? Growing up is hard.
But now that I’m older, and have a clearer outlook on life, or at least as clear as it’s ever going to get – I have come back to Nirvana, and it feels great. Because when I think about it, I might not wear green and black flannels anymore, but I’m still Angry About Things and I still won’t shower until someone says, “Dude, I think I can smell you.”
Life is circular my friends.